GOOD PARENTING
Are you like so many other self doubting parents, battlefield and disappointed because you and your teenagers some how seem to be in constant conflict? Then be glad for some of the positive aspects of this challenging period are to be revealed to you.
First it’s reassuring to know that there is something strange if you never experienced conflict. It’s a sign that is growing youngsters are developing a normal healthy independence, which often means going through a stage of denying many of the things believe in. There will be the testing out strange new ideas and perhaps there will be a lot of arguing as they try to give expressions to them. They also enjoy outwitting dump parents with dazzling debate. They all also are trying to find their unique course in the minefield lying between peer groups and family conformity. Through this trial, they will make mistakes and so will you learn the art of handling this breed of half-adult half-child but mistakes are inherent in living.
Think of a family as the greatest teaching center in the world. Like a magnifying mirror, it enlarges everything so that we can see and practice what we need to learn: practice, adaptability, responsibility, how to love others, cope with problems, handle negative emotions, It is the family’s responsibility to handle the merit able hostilities, aggression and anger. In spite of these challenges, the good news is that not only do we survive our children’s adolescence, but in the end we usually laugh about the agonies over silly clothes, broken rules, parties, pranks. Why does it take so long to get into humorous and perspective? Perhaps it’s our fear that they won’t see salvation and turn out right.
You cannot always approve of teens actions but they themselves need the assurance that you value them. You should provide a back drop of warmth and understanding against which their dramas can be enacted. They need positive messages like, “no matter what the problem is we can work together for a solution”. Messages like this are really only possible in a home with a warm relaxed temperature. Unhappy families generate a chilly distract climate were people hurt one another through constant criticism and bickering and stifle the clumsy efforts by the young to say what they feel. So ask yourselves, “are we creating the right atmosphere for good communication and interaction. The recipe is subtle of acceptance, trust, openness, cheerfulness, and fun, and relaxation, teamwork, caring, and sharing. Evaluate whether are you too strict or too soft is the atmosphere you have created constructive, all in all you’re parenting style.
You can train yourselves or be trained for good parent hood. If you remember your own adolescence feeling of isolation and inadequacy, your unshared and unrealistic miseries, agonies over boyfriend and girlfriend, your secret works about school, career choice, being somebody. Didn’t you wish you had to confide in someone or there a sensible outsider to guide your unreasonable parents. Children feel the most same way today and on top of that for them the pressure starts earlier because mass society makes everything complex and competitive.
Listen effectively establishing eye contact and posture which clearly show you are listening.
Avoid nagging criticizing, threatening, lecturing, probing and ridiculing. Treat your children like the way you treat your best friend. Learn to give open responses that accurately states what the person feels or means. Closed responses ignore feelings and show that we have not heard or understood the fact that the door is shut to further confidences. Resist the impulse to impose solutions. Let your child learn. Only give suggestions as a last resort.